Isa's journal

so hi
new screenname
isamakesitpop [yes as in the song.YOU KNOW I MAKE IT POPPP.yes joel thankyou]
kay?
add it.
=]

4 years ago on august 1 I met this girl, from the start she was my best friend..It sounds weird I know.
After three days, she told me to get yahoo, so I did..We started writing a story right away
it was pretty silly..She was dating aaron, I was dating nick.
So after a week knowing each other she went on holiday to Egypt with her mom.
I missed her like hell, she was my friend to talk to about Aaron and Nick carter, those were the guys we loved the most back then. It was funny how all our intrests were the same.
Well, after two weeks she came back and we would talk 24/7.
In november[right?] Nick Carter brought out his cd. We called each other when I went to get my piece. Well..Guess what? Her battery got empty. When I got home, we called again and danced around our rooms, telling how great the record was.After this day we would call pretty much every single day.
Like I said, we were used to talk 24/7 on dec. 3 I didnt come online and didnt pick up my phone. My best friend was worried and got mad at me for not getting online. I told her my dog had died and she tried to cheer me up..With luck.
This went on untill march 2003 a week before I would move.
It was the raddest sleepover of my life..From the moment she got out of the train I knew it was her.We walked around and went to my house.After a couple minutes we left and walked to the libary because I knew they rended BSB movies. we got back and watched it.
we kept laughing and having fun. later on we rended some more movies.
As we got back we just sat behind the computer, telling everyone how we finally were together.So, later that night we went out for dinner at mac donalds. She toke her order and I simply said same as she said. So, we got outside and ate our happy meal [Chicken nuggets, fries and cola], After that we drove back to my house, with the bag over our head.
Mom toke a picture, and sadly enough, I lost it a long time ago.
After that we watched a movie downstairs, and later went upstairs and watched Not another teenmovie. My best friend fell asleep halfway during the movie on the feetend of my bed. I just asked are you asleep? she didnt answer so i said goodnight and went to sleep
In the morning we watched a horrormovie and had springles for breakfast, we watched another BSB movie downstairs, and than it was time for her to go home. I brought her back.
After a week I moved and didnt have ANYTHING, so I called up my best friend and asked her if I could come over..So a week later, I came to hers.
It was my first traintrip, her moms friend made fun of me and said im sure she doesnt have friends, we didnt care and just laughed as her mother told.we went out, and did some grocery shopping. later that night we ate, together with her mom and her boyfriend. it was fun. After that my best friend and her mom had some fun with duckliver. and made weird pictures.her mom and boyfriend left after that. We decided to watch the ring but turned off right before the first murder. We were scared as chickens.
we watched some comede and went to bed.
The next morning we jumped out of bed, and toke a walk. Her mom toke pictures of us across the leekkindathing and sadly enough..We dont have these either.
Anyway, I went home after we watched The ring.
We continued calling for about two months.
In somekindofschoolbreak I was supposed to go to see another good friend of mine. My best friend called the girl to see if she could come as well, so we did.
The first day we spended at Hers, the day after we went to mine, heres the memory of this, When we got at my town, we had to wait nearly a hour for the bus, so what did the others decide to do? right..Walk.. It was RAINING but allright, we walked. It toke us 2,5 hour to get at my place, our feets hurted so we put my matress in the livingroom and watched tv, and ate nasty chocolate icecream.
around 2 am we fell asleep and the girls left in the afternoon, after we walked to the mall.
I didnt see my best friends for untill 3 months later, because I dated this guy
and she knew he would hurt me. I only talked about him and you know all the things you do when your 13 and in love.She was right and after 3 weeks he broke up with me. because he could get something better.
In june 29 there was this concert: Good Charlotte, she went with her best friend and I went with our other friend. We met up there and went to the concert, not together because she still hated me. In august I dated this guy again, and I became friends with his friends.
They were all crazy and enjoyed drugs alot, But lets not go into this part of my life.
In the fall me and my best friend got our first real argument[because of those people], I called the girl that was my best friend back than up and splitted ways with her. I knew this wasnt a smart thing to do because it bring many things with it, but I had decided I wanted my best friend back. So we became close again, Close after this I would come out for my depression and obsession with dying, I cant remember much from these days but I remember all the things I've done with her.
On december 13 we went to Good Charlotte, we were supposed to be there at 8 but because we were lazy and it was raining we got there on 11.30 am. We just sat in line and waited..When the bus arrived we watched benj wake up and went back to sitting in the line.Around 5 pm we were wet and freezing, but still in the line. we met up with all of our friends and went to the concert. After the second song one of friends fainted and we missed most of the concert, I left my best friend and her because I was weak and couldn't handle anything. So I enjoyed alot songs and met back up with them. After the show we sneaked backstage, and my best friend talked to Paul. I was sooo proud of being her best friend. Anyway, we got kicked out and met the other boys behind the fence. We wen't home around 12.30 and she would yell at me because of everything. We would fight over and over again for a month. She blamed me for anything just because she couldnt take it out on the other girl. But know what? I just toke it.
This is how it went untill febuary 28. This is when I was doing way worse..I had started hurting myself, and in an upset mood I told her boyfriend[who lived on the other side of the ocean]. A day later, she got mad at me because she had found out. I had never felt this depressed, and just became a zombie for a week long.
We made things up and moved on.
The next 4 months were terrible, nobody was sure if I was still there the next day because of everyones fear that I would commit suicide. I never did because I couldn't because I remembered myself over and over again how my best friend had been hurt when she found out I hurted myself, and how my mom lost her mom. So I didnt.
but on queensday we went to sixflags, I had the best time of ALL the days of my depression, I felt normal and happy, even I was on antidepression[that fucked me up even more]. When we went home she asked me to come over to hers..So I went to eindhoven and then to rotterdam. because I had to pick up my med.
after this I didnt see her for over a year,
I had gotten too far away and tried to commit suicide, even nobody knew, I stopped when hold on came on the cdplayer and just cried, I knew things would get better as long as I had her and GC.
Anyway, things moved on. I had gone to a new school
and she had made new friends. In fall 2004. She had met a new friend through me..She started to hang out with her all the time because I was depressed,and hurted myuself. I had to beg her untill april 2005 till we hung out again. we went to SP and had a good time.After this we would hang out alot..over and over again..I would come down when she had this date with a guy she liked, and didnt want to go alone. We went to each others birthday, and to concerts, parties and other fun things.Because of this, I became more happy and happy each and every day.
I would wake up with a smile, even she was at work.
I would be ready to help her whenever she needed me to.
I wanted to get better, not only for her.But also for myself.
I wanted to go live with her, go on vacation, make roadtrips, had fun times like all those people on the internet.
But right now
its all trown away.
She sorta hates me, deleted me on myspace, and other things.
Sure Ive been a pain in her ass, But I'm just so scared right now to lose her
shes been changing alot, Ive been staying who I was, I'm growing
yes, in a possitive way.My fears become less and less.
I dont look at every person, scared that I'll see him, I'll smile, walk around with my head up.
Don't break down after every negative comment I get.
Less scared that I will get fat and people will dislike me.
Alot of this I have to thank to her, Shes pretty much someone I look up at.
And I don't want to loose that at all. I don't want to lose the one person that can count on me for sure.
That makes me feel home even if its just a cold lonely place.
And I'm scared if I let her hang out more and more with others
She will do less and less with me.
And how sooner she will forget about me.
Shes the one friend I need..I can loose them all, But her.
Im not being selfish
shes not my slave or anything like that.


I'm just scared there will be no more memories added to this list.
And that I will have to tell my children, boyfriend or whatsoever "There was this amazing girl in my life, once, a long time ago, and she has made me what I am today for a big part."
I want to tell them "My best friend, has been there when I needed her, And she has brought me here, I'm glad for having her as my best friend"
this may doesnt make sense, but makes me feel alot better.